Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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