I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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