it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pants are for mortals
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
