As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
