I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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