If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
