4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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