Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
