Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize