why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
