I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
