Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
