Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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