I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
