I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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