Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
