I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
