She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
