Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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