I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize