mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
