Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
