I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
