I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
