I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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