Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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