Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
