I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
