I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
