I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
