I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
