dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
