the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
