Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
