Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
