My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
