I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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