apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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