dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
