The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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