I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
