May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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