Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
