dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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