i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
