just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
