My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
