I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
