She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
