Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
