I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
