some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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