She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There are leaves in my underwear?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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