I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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