I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
