I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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