HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
