you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize