There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
