Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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