i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
