you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
