He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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