her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize