I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just cut my nipple shaving
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
